another journal?!

A confession:
I have tried over 10 times in the last 5 years to keep a daily journal. I have never been successful for more than a month at a time.

Never fail, right about the time when I finally stop thinking about these failed journal attempts, someone or something reminds me of how intrigued, excited, and proud I feel when I look back on one of the months I stayed disciplined enough to write every evening. You might be thinking, "This blog is a type of journal" and I would agree. The difference, to me, is that this is an open forum. The writing posted here is intended to be read by others. The type of journal I am talking about is a private, personal, deep-intimate journal. The kind where you find yourself surprised by who you read yourself to be.

I wonder if we could read a daily journal from people we most want to know deeply...what would we learn? How would we feel? Love them more? Less? Here are a few I'd like to read if they existed:

• Korry
• My Dad
• My Mom
• Each of my sisters
• Jesus (the Bible doesn't count...this is a whole other discussion)
• Mother Teresa
• Larry King
• My dogs (Wodie & Gobo)

So, as you might have expected, I was recently...like yesterday...reminded of the importance of documenting daily life...journaling. In one of my classes, we have been required to keep a "writing journal" for any creative writing that I do formally, informally or whatever. Reading just the last week of my writing journal entries was the reminder. I felt it again...the way I do everytime I read my old journals or hear about someone else's...so I'm trying it again. This time, however, I'm being more real about the whole thing.

I asked myself, "Why do I stop writing? Why is it such a conscious, laborious effort to write every day/night? What do I like about it? What do I hate about it?" Here are my answers:

1. I mainly stop writing because I get tired of making myself do it. I think I should want to do it naturally...if I don't, it must not be meant to be!
2. I often forget to do it because I'm so tired by the time I sit or lay down to write (I usually write right before I go to bed).
3. I love the fact that my thoughts and life events are documented so I can remember them and share them if I want to.
4. I hate my handwriting. And more so, I hate looking at my handwriting. I find myself focusing so much on making my handwriting look "pretty" that I'm no longer focused on journaling.

So...where does that leave me? After 1.5miles of thought, I was sure that there must be an easier way to do this. My answer? Free, private journaling online! This way, I can always access my journal from anywhere there is Internet access (pretty much everywhere these days) and can type instead of write with my ugly handwriting! YAY! For a long time, I forced myself to conform to the traditional "rules" of journaling and you can see how far that got me! Indicative of conformity in general, perhaps? Hmmm. You've heard of square pegs and round holes, right? That is me and traditional journaling. Everyday before today I have struggled to make it work...recipe for failure. Now, I have admitted and accommodated my real feelings about journaling and feel confident that I will be much more successful this time around because of it. Let's see!